to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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