who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
