what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We named our party play list daddy issues
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
