ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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