Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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