I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
