yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
