I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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