I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
