I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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