yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
