Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
