Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
