I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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