dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
That reminds me...we need to get swords
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
