Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
