so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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