I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
