well I can't set my house on fire every night
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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