Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You need Xanax blowdarts
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
