thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
