if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
