I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
