I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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