How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
