like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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