i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
