its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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