Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
