All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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