Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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