she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
