is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
