Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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