and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
