I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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