I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
