If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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