I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
