'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
