Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
