Pants 0. Shit 1.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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