dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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