she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
where am i from again
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
