Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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