I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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