So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i think im in europe. pls send help
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
