Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
