just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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