I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it's great music for shaving your balls
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
